BAM! You have no choice. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Your email address will not be published. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. } The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept.George Carlin. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. Enjoy! He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. People are wonderful one at a time. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. } Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. Now you can finally see what made George Carlin the dad tick. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question everything that they read Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, 86. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin, 20. Use your fucking heads! And probably increase.George Carlin, And heres something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers arent answered. } They own you. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. What do you say? Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. The less said about it the better. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reasonGeorge Carlin, They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. var ue_sn = "www.goodreads.com"; A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him. "https:" : "http:") + Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. if (window.Mobvious === undefined) { Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. googletag.pubads().disableInitialLoad(); Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. "Never argue with an idiot. The table is tilted, folks. Couldnt you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Just daydreaming. born on May 12, 1937, if(cookiePair[0] === name) { So arrogant. q("f", arguments) They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but I'll tell you what they don't want: They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. window.Mobvious.device_type = 'mobile'; } We all need to let loose and laugh at things once in a while and making other people laugh as well as think and find meaning behind your jokes is an exceptional talent George Carlin has. Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. Enjoy! Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear themusic. Did you ever stop to think about all the people we kill? Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointedidealist. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Laugh often, long and loud. It will not be with jack-boots. We hope these George Carlin quotes on life, religion and government will make you smile as well as share some important facts with you. They're imaginary. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. } catch (err) { !function(){function n(n,t){var r=i(n);return t&&(r=r("instance",t)),r}var r=[],c=0,i=function(t){return function(){var n=c++;return r.push([t,[].slice.call(arguments,0),n,{time:Date.now()}]),i(n)}};n._s=r,this.csa=n}(); So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! }); googletag.enableServices(); Born: May 12, 1937. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. This is the best we can do folks. }); Try spelling Evian backward. Its a great feeling. } Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Some people see things that are, and ask, why? } else { We made 'em up. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. The following quotes are some of the most thought provoking sentences youll ever read. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. You have owners. if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin 4. They own everything. Did you enjoy this article? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. window.csa("Config", { The people are fucked.George Carlin, A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed.George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.George Carlin, I think I am, therefore, I am I think.George Carlin, Everyone smiles in the same language.George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think.George Carlin, Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. for(var i=0; i Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. a[a9] = { Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. var cookies = document.cookie.split('; '); var e = document.createElement("script"); e.src = "https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41mrkPcyPwL.js"; document.head.appendChild(e); init: function() { Whats that, a bonus? A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. We just believed everything. It always has been. Feel free to reach out and connect. Save the planet! Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. Dont look for it. var node = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; Thank you! We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. They should be more vivid. if (a[a9]) return; Laugh until you gasp for breath.George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.George Carlin, People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? }); Every day we present the best quotes! What do you get at the end of it? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Were so self-important. stylesheet.rel = "stylesheet"; One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. . That is against their interests. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, 83.Theres a reason education sucks, and its the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) " George Carlin 14. "Laugh often, long and loud. 3. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain, All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another, "It's harder to be funny from the position of power. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. People are wonderful. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. gads.src = (useSSL ? var ue_sid = "334-5362882-2183381"; The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. George Carlin Quotes Government : "Most of the government wants to control information and language so that it can control you. I'm the Founder of SucceedFeed.com and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my posts and being apart of the Succeed Feed community. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. "Events.Namespace": "csa", " George Carlin 15. Religion class was always an easy class. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. } died on June 22, 2008, George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. But once youre born, youre on your own. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.George Carlin, Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. Comedian The challenge is to find it.George Carlin, I put a dollar in a change machine. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. It's a big club and you ain't in it. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldnt afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. The late great comedian George Carlin has many great quotes about life and society, here are some of them. We havent tried that for a while. #government. googletag.pubads().collapseEmptyDivs(true); And a list of people theyre going to visit at 3am. 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