Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. If the woman wants to abort, then she can, but thats a decision she has to make because its happening inside her own body. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. You can get pregnant on birth control! Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. You bet. So, let it be over. Does that make him an asshole? Chopper jump on another severe cold day with the right hand exposed to activate the reserve chute. April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. And it will need a mother and a father. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. im not disagreeing with you. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along So, it's up the guy to put the idea out there of getting back together and proving to his ex that it's worth a shot. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. Plenty dont. I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. lets_be_honest Or so so many of you all keep saying. SpaceySteph Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! You want some advice? Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): A How does your law make this fair? I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. Just once. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. REALLY?! I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. I feel so depressed about everything. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. Dude, get away from this guy pronto! And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. He let you go. i am currently in an awful situation. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. landygirl By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. Long story short he ended up comeing to his sences and we got back together a month or so before our son was born. Dont care to be properly identified? I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. That is not her fault. As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. Whoa whoa whoa this kid should be the most important thing in his life, over her? I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Where does the stork fit in? But, they both had lawyers. You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. I think that one should be able to decide if one is ready to be a parent and, if not, make that clear when there is time to abort the pregnancy. evanscr05 April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. He is placing all of the blame of this two minute relationship that resulted in a baby on the women, and that is pretty shitty. The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. There is no rhyme or reason. Why? Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. just my opinion. This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A RunsWithScissors Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. Its called lying. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. Do something to not have one! lets_be_honest He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. That still has no impact on my main points. bittergaymark First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Steve Kellmeyer All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. Really? How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Steve Kellmeyer He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. SpaceySteph She is sovereign over her own body. Not me. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. iseeshiny The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Model Mustang. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? Jess of CGW I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. I had no idea. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. April 9, 2012, 12:53 pm, He might very well be an immature asshole. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. What a laugh. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? haha I agree. 1. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. This man in the letter has spent those same 25 years being an ever-aging manchild. Sure, lots of people take those chances. When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. Dude, thats seriously out of line. April 9, 2012, 12:39 pm. I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. Just sayin. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. Therefore, move on. When you ended it you knew it was over. That was supposed to be a reply to Temperance, not ele4phant. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. Both men and women create children. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. Thank God for the laws in place protecting children against men like you. He is not the end all and be all. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. Thanks for noticing, though. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. He could be imaginary. I think the LW and her ex would do better to break up for good. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. She left me for him and and now wants me back. The father would divorce himself from the child and any obligations to the mother. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. Takeoff Shot in Head and Torso, According to Coroner Report, Aaron Carter Pulled Over On Suspicion Of DUI While Driving RV. 2. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey This whole thing could have been prevented that way. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? And the man? iseeshiny She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. datechguy He wants nothing to do with his own child. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. So the system is very one sided. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. Really stupid. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. We dont know that she asked for any money. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. Made my day! Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. He said theres only a chance. He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. I love your snark this morning!! Mmmhmm, I thought so. hi there! As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. If there is no child at conception You say it takes two to make a baby but somehow its only the man that gets labeled an irresponsible dick. I dont know how you can defend it. Sigh. Briana DeJesus. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! I (28F) found out that my boyfriend (30M) is talking to another girl, just a day after we broke up (no proper closure). SweetsAndBeats evanscr05 lets_be_honest My heart broke into a million pieces. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. Where exactly do you live? So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. lets_be_honest We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. A Happy Life Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? The guy started dating someone else. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. Risk reduction is not relevant, because the risk never goes to 0%. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. And should. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea. I chose to have a baby. Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. How quickly (or slowly) he got into a new relationship after your breakup. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. Youre wrong. Two are very small, less than six months. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. SMDH! Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. WTF!!! an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. And it wont be you for very long. And the LW is making it seem as if her poor bf did nothing. Dump this creep. A douchenozzle? And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? Nope, none of it matters. April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. It is duplicated below. John Rohan Men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement. Pardon me, butare you fucking KIDDING me?! I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. Dee S. Advocate Might he have continued sleeping with her? I dont care. No one called him a criminal. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. iseeshiny Why you ask? Any woman who, in a divorce, grants custody of the children to the father is an immature asshole, and any woman who spends her life in her career an allows the father to raise the children is an immature asshole, because, in each of those cases, the woman is just as guilty of abdicating the role of parent as the guy here would be, and in many of them, she also doesnt even provide financial support.
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